Four things happened this week that made me stop and take a deep breath.
One: Bob and I completed the paperwork for our updated wills to include Power of Attorney and Living Wills. Reading all the mumbo jumbo and seeing my name in every other sentence made me pause. It certainly made me think about the responsibility I’ve placed on another in the event of death. I hope not to use these documents any time soon.
Two: I became Heidi Gray McGill, LLC. Authors, especially Indie authors (non-traditionally published), are subject to various frustrations: pirating, copyright issues, etc. An LLC protects my personal property should I be sued. I hope never to use this service.
Three: We decided to buy our grandchildren experiences rather than physical gifts this year for Christmas. This may not seem like much, but when I saw the foot and handprints of my two grandsons, I realized how quickly they were growing. I hope the boys agree that experiences beat out toys every time.
Each of these things fits neatly into a JUNDUN Fireproof Document bag. Phew, safe and secure. And, three items of great importance marked off my To-Do list!
I smiled at myself in the window above the kitchen sink as I washed dishes that evening, my reflection showing a slightly cocky smirk. I’d been on task all day. I’d had a wonderful devotional time that morning, met my word count goal, exceeded my step goal (I love it when my FitBit buzzes), even tracked my food in MyFitnessPal. I was feeling pretty good, patting myself on the back for accomplishing such large tasks.
Then my phone buzzed the familiar sound of a text. I dried my hands and clicked on the message. …deep breath number Four…
“Would you pray for me?”
I read the details following those words and knew nothing else mattered at that moment but my friend.
I immediately started to pray. My mind reeled with scenarios of how God would work out the specifics of my friend’s situation. I wracked my brain for the verse I’d just listened to during my devotions that morning…it was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t get it out. Since I can no longer easily read a print Bible, I used my phone and searched my history…that I’d accidentally deleted…then started typing in keywords but came up empty. I knew I’d highlighted that verse in yellow years ago. I could even “see” it in the lower right corner of the left page in the bound copy of my Bible, but yellow, especially when very faded, wouldn’t be easy for me to locate. Even so, I needed to make an effort.
I went to my nightstand drawer, expecting my Bible to be there, but it wasn’t. Odd. Maybe I’d left it in the kitchen on the counter under my purse? Nope. Did I move it upstairs into my new office? Not there. Perhaps…no, I remembered…I’d placed it in the cabinet with all the other Bible resources. My heart felt physically sick.
I had just spent about ten minutes searching for God’s Word.
Are you tracking with me?
I’m being super vulnerable and honest right now and am praying you’ll show some grace.
I had made provisions for my grandchildren, increased the safety of my meager assets, and prepared documents as a good steward for after my death…even to the point of locking them away in a fireproof container. Yet, when I most needed God’s Word, I had not hidden it in my heart.
The physical ache I experienced overshadowed every good thing I’d accomplished that day. Smirk removed. Before I could continue praying for my friend, I needed to ask for God’s forgiveness. Then, and only then, was I able to pour out my heart to God for her need.
I’m blessed to live in an age where I can listen to scripture in various versions. I can also listen to podcasts and sermons online. But I have noticed that lately, I tend to show up and go through the motions rather than meditate on God’s Word.
I realized I had a new item for my To-Do list:
Improve my devotional time with more meditation on scripture.
This coming week I hope to look at my reflection and see God’s glory, not my accomplishments; see His face in the window, not mine; and recall the Words I have purposefully hidden in the safest place–my heart.
I think I’ll start with Psalm 119:11.
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